Beyond Ourselves
by Mimbillia
Summary: "He is left back into the cold once more. And he is alone." The Avengers find Loki wandering Midgard unaware he has been wandering far longer than they expected. Concerns begin to arise as to the absence and silence of Thor in Asgard and the Trickster that holds nothing in his eyes but despair. No Slash, Rated T to be safe.
1. Droplets

**Welcome avid readers!**

**Another Avengers story is here. While it is apart of my 'universe' you do not need to read the other stories (unless you want to ). To all my loyal readers welcome back, I hope you are ready for another epic fic full of emotions ahoy and brother fluff with action from our favorite team. I would like to thank my Beta BlackMetalHeart for her hard work!  
**

**Let the broadcast commence.**

_"You are my son, Loki."_

_Warmth spreads through his heart like a thawing winter. So long has it been since he has felt this… love. A gentle caress of his cheek and he closes his eyes, leaning into the touch with unabated yearning. He raises his hand, wanting nothing more than to hold onto the giver of warmth, the one who grounds him. Yet his hand touches only coldness, and the warmth he had felt already begins to slip away. Opening his eyes he reaches out, but the illusion has long since faded._

_And he is left, plunged back into the frigid cold once more._

_And he is alone._

Loki inhales sharply as he awakens, snapping his eyes open from his darkened dream. He lays there, in the early darkness of the morning on his side, staring at nothing in particular. The quick rise and fall of his chest bares the only indication that life still inhabits the body. After a long while he returns to himself, his eyes slowly taking their time to absorb the scenery surrounding him. Still on his side, he drags his covered left hand out from under himself and brings it to his eyes. With his bare right hand, his fingers pull off the glove covering his left hand. The disgusting sight that meets him quickly causes him to place the glove over his long fingers once again as he holds his arm close to his chest.

Pushing himself up silently, he wipes the small droplets of crystal dew off his unprotected side and looks at the newly rising day.

He staggers as he stands.

Torn and muddied fabric falls into its place around his body as he pushes his feet forward. His skin stretches as his body moves but the stinging sensation is overwhelmed by the stiff numbness. He does not know where he will end up today; there is no destination in mind… only the need to move.

The need to continue on.

Even the small droplets of blood that trail behind him go unnoticed.

Hours pass this way and as the day begins to fall as quickly as it had risen, he manages to find himself atop a small hill overlooking the bright glow of a small town. Its' shine holds the reassurance and promise of a meal and rest. Loki continues down the hill, leaving the tall grass until his boots scrape against the gravel of the main road. He looks down at the sound in silence, and with sluggish movements, as he drags himself across the road.

He stands momentarily frozen at the edge of the town's border looking around like prey to a hunt. He watches a few Midgardians walk around before he sees a man wearing a black coat and long pants. Loki looks down at himself, replicating the clothing with a simple glamor and begins to enter the town. He is slow, taking in every detail of the glass windows that illuminate the contents within the shops. He lifts his head and sniffs.

The scent of roasting and warm fire spirals into his senses, and he lets his legs direct him to a small shop. He pauses outside beside a lamp pole and watches the Midgardians inside. He watches their customs, their interactions and eyes the plates full of food. His eyes hunger for what his stomach so craves. Stepping forward he pushes open the door and looks up with a small startle at the miniature golden bell above the door that pronounces his arrival… however, no one bothers to look at him.

"Good evening sir, table for one?"

Loki tears his eyes away from the bell and nods once. He lets himself be led to a small concealed booth in the corner of the shop and sits down with much effort. The mortal who greeted him hands him a large parchment saying she will return soon, after she fills a cup of water for him.

Loki drinks it the water greedily but not so quick as to draw suspicion, he had forgotten how long it had been since his last drink of water. He eyes the piece of parchment and, the words contained within, but does not recognize any of the delicacies. He fidgets nervously and feels out of place, unable to find any similarities close to his own understanding… as the woman returns he merely points to a random line on the parchment.

The mortal nods and scurries away. Loki does not have to wait long before a hot meal is placed before him. He leans in, feeling the steam on his face and without hesitation begins to eat. He is slow, but does not stop until the plate is clean. He continues to sit as he watches the mortals once more; waiting to see how one bartered for the goods they had taken. He observes a few mortals stand to leave, placing pieces of green parchment and coin onto the table.

Loki replicates more than double and places it next to his own plate before he stands to leave. As he passes the mortal who begins to clean up his meal he hears no objection and is relieved to go unnoticed once more. No one notices the small pool of blood, no bigger than a footprint, under the table.

He moves away from the light of the main street and finds himself in something of a town square, spying a stone bench he immediately veers toward it. Tall bushes line the edges, allowing him to be left in the dark without prying eyes. A small fountain steals his gaze as he places both hands on the bench, swiveling himself around on one leg before sitting down softly against the stone.

Its quiet here, save for the splashing of the water in front of him. Slumping into the bench Loki lowers his head in weariness.

He wants to dream of that warmth once more. Wants to feel the touch on his cheek.

But he cannot, he will never be able to hold that warmth again.

He just doesn't care anymore and his days continue this same way. He wakes, wanders and sleeps. There is nothing for him to do, and he knows… deep down he knows.

No one will come for him.

He has nothing, _no one_ left.

But there is a longing for something familiar, for something he thinks will ease the pain of his loneliness… the seeming emptiness that has filled his core since _it_ happened. It's the longing that propels him forward, navigating him towards the familiarity. It takes Loki a few days to gain rudimentary understanding of how mortals navigate their world, and he find his spirits lifting now that he no longer needs to walk and instead travels in silence with other mortals by vehicles. He arrives a few days later to familiarity and conceals himself in a simple and unsuspicious guise while he wanders the streets of New York. It takes little time to steer himself to Stark's fortress and stand at the foot of the building. The iron pillar that Loki hopes will be able to keep him firm as its foundations towers over him, casting his figure in shadows. He stares upwards to the floors he has seen before, and no mortal takes notice of a man disappearing into thin air.

_They never have_.

He reappears in Stark's kitchen, removing his guise as he looks around silently. The floors are coated with a thin layer of dust and all the lights remain off. If he concentrates, he can sense a gentle hint of musk that lines the air. He maneuvers to the edge of a hallway and peers down into the darkness and frowns. He hesitates, unsure of what to do and steps back into the kitchen.

"Jarvis?" he tests the silence, turning his head to the ceiling.

The faceless voice does not reply and Loki lowers his head, losing the small swelling of hope he had almost recaptured.

A grumble brings him out of his stupor and he holds his stomach. It has been a while since he had last eaten, and he can sense nothing around him that would suffice for a meal. Disappearing from the kitchen he finds himself back on the streets he had once tried to conquer so many years ago… somewhere he _knows_.

It is not long after he acquires sustenance that he finds himself sitting on another array of empty benches. Thunder rolls in the distance and Loki finds himself looking at the sky. His eyes flinch as droplets of water begin to splash against his face.

They feel cold.

But cold cannot effect what is already frozen.

Loki watches the mortals around him run away looking for cover, until there is naught a soul left but him in the expanse of the park.

It is not long until his resolve to uphold his glamor fades and he sits in the dark rain, soaked to the bones. It is in this moment he sinks further into the bench, his hands limp in his lap as he stares at the ground. The rain flows through his hair, displacing it as it falls and sticks to his face.

_"It should have been you…"_

He hears the words spoken so bitterly to him all those months ago chime through him anew, and Loki sinks further bowing his head.

"It should have been _me._" He whispers, but his voice is carried away by the roaring of water.

The rain disguises what freely falls down his face as the pounding of water muffles all sound. And Loki continues to sit in the darkness... such is the nature of an eternal life, he has all the time in the world.

Loki thinks he has momentarily gone deaf as the rain around him ceases. His mind clears as his eyes focus on the pair of boots in front of him. He slowly raises his eyes before his head follows, and looks upon the face of Steve Rogers holding an umbrella over the both of them.

Confusion and concern is clearly etched into the man's eyes but he remains silent for a moment. Loki simply continues to look at the man standing over him. He would laugh at the irony if he had the strength and will… to feel so low, that even the mortal is above him, looking down with pity at his wretched state.

He watches, with the small glimmer of hope bubbling within him as the captain extends his hand, offering a respite from the pits of despair he threw himself down long ago. Steve's lips are moving but Loki does not hear… he merely gazes at the hand before him.

Without thinking, Loki hesitantly raises his own hand and grasps onto the offered lifeline. He feels himself being pulled from his planned resting place and is led away from the park… the Captain's gentle hand, steady on his back, is the only touch he receives to direct him.

But Loki still thinks.

He should not be here.

_It should have been him._

* * *

Steve enjoys an afternoon stroll; he took many back then… when the streets were less crowded and a whole lot cleaner. He even smiles as he is able to pick up the same route he used to walk all those years ago. He notes how the small shop fronts have disappeared, but many of their facades remain and Steve enjoys the time trip. Even if it lasts a mere hour.

He has taken with him an umbrella. The weather girl had advised it on the news when he managed to turn on his small TV. Stark had offered to buy him a larger one, sprouting off names in a frenzy, with a look in his eye like a small child, but he declined. He prefers the old fashioned radio, but concedes he should try to assimilate.

It isn't long before he has to make use of his umbrella but he continues to walk while others ducked into tiny cafes in an attempt to escape the sudden downpour. Steve turns towards central park to take a shortcut back to his apartment. The clouds have darkened the scenery immensely and he finds himself relying on the light posts to guide his way across. As he makes his way through a crossroad he idly looks to his side.

He slows to a stop and stares down the paved pathway at a man sitting on the bench. Steve turns his body to face the figure and frowns. He notices how the man's dark hair sticks to his face, blurring out his features through the heavy rain but it is enough indication to show that the stranger has been sitting there for a long time.

With slight hesitation, Steve begins to walk toward the stranger. It is not in his nature to leave someone who so obviously needs help, and Steve thinks it is also _wrong_ to leave someone in the rain. He also wonders, as he nears the man, how many people had passed him as they ran for cover? How many paid no attention to a man stilled by the rain? Once he reaches the man he holds the umbrella over them both, and takes a proper look. Instantly, Steve recognizes the style of clothing before him.

He knows immediately who this is, but remains silent. He stares at Loki, slumped in the seat, with an unmoving gaze at his hands. The Asgardian is soaked through but Steve knows better than to question why he does not shiver, why he feels no cold. As he looks at Loki he wonders briefly how the Asgardian arrived here, and why there had been no mention from S.H.I.E.L.D.

Finally, with much slowness Steve sees awareness creep into the gods face as he raises his head at him. Steve stares back seeing nothing but emptiness in his green eyes and without a thought he extends his hand.

He watches Loki's brow furrow minutely as confusion sets in and Steve wonders…

How can the notion of _help_ confuse someone?

"I'm heading home, its dry and if you're hungry I can make something." He says lamely.

He receives no reply, the broken man seemingly lost in his thoughts and Steve inches his hand closer.

"I insist." Steve presses.

And, finally, Loki extends his own hand, and allows Steve to pull him off the bench. He keeps the umbrella high over them both while placing his free hand onto Loki's back to steady him. Steve doesn't miss the slight stagger and swaying Loki presents and even his consent to be touched causes surprise to the captain.

Unlike Thor, the brief encounters Steve has had… he knows such a gesture would be unheard of. Steve directs Loki to his small apartment door. Shaking off the excess water he places the object in the bucket as he unlocks his door. He turns quickly and tries to smile.

"Come in." he waves his hand. "It's not much but at least it's dry." He says.

Loki leans sideways and peers into Steve's apartment, his clothes still dripping, having made an entire river of water down the hall and stairs. With a tentative step he crosses the threshold and Steve quickly closes the door.

Steve gestures to Loki and the god tilts his head.

"Oh, um… your coat." He points lamely at the pool of water and Loki's gaze follows. Steve shifts in his place when Loki continues to remain still.

"Do you need something to eat? I'm not too great with these machines-" Steve says lamely but stops and watches the god veer behind Steve's own bedroom door.

With a soft click the door closes and Steve is left in silence. Deciding he would rather keep his head than disturb the god, Steve makes his way to cleaning the water off the floor. Leaning down he begins to soak up the water with towels. After a few minutes he stops to take a break and his eyes catch sight of red. Lifting his towel, his eyes frown before staring at the closed door ahead of him.

_Blood_.

Though he knows it is not enough to be fatal, he still frowns. In the battles he had seen, it took quite a punch to see even an ounce escape Thor. But the captain wonders, as he kneels on his floor, how heavy a strike would it take to bleed a god?

He hesitates as he reaches for his phone near a side table. Nothing good would come from involving S.H.I.E.L.D. at this moment, or the others… tensions were still high after all these years.

Steve remains on the ground at a loss of what to do and decides to dial the first number he can think of.

**An alert lets you kneel before Loki, a review lets you calm his tremors (your imagination chooses the situation that calls for it)**

**-Brought to you by the Broadcasting Service of Mimbillia-**


	2. Stone Wall

**Welcome back avid readers**

**Thank you for your response to the first chapter. Honestly it took so many times to write this, lets just say I'm not used to this angst but well, let's give it a try. all aboard dem feelz train! I have found a beta so any mistake will be fixed soon. Thanks once again to BlackMetalHeart! for taking the time to read this  
**

_Loki can feel the heat of fire upon his skin as the flames lick at his hands and face. His skin, he feels, is beginning to blister and blacken. He cannot see beyond the thick blinding smoke that blankets the hallways before him. Sound is of little concern here, for there is naught but the echoes of screaming and cracking wood that splinters and breaks within the fire's grasp._

_Loki can feel it… the spreading terror within his heart as he clambers through the rubble with haste. Thick wooden beams from above come crashing down upon him and he is spared little time to jump away, crashing into the floor and becoming one with the chaos. _

_He looks up from his position, rubbing the embers that exploded from the burning wood out of his eyes and looks upon a burning guard. Loki knows the screaming man will not survive and pushes himself up quickly, ignoring the fevered pleas of the man as he lays trapped beneath burning stone. _

_Yes, Loki can feel it._

_He turns and raises his arms to his face, feeling a wind of fire and melting heat wash over him. The protective spell forming over him as a tsunami of inferno and destruction blows towards him. Loki feels himself cast backwards, through one of the stone walls in the palace. He coughs as he pushes himself up with his hands, his clothes smoking._

_He feels around with his hands, momentarily blinded from the sheer brilliance of light that burned a canvas of white into his eyes. He tries to breathe but the smoke has clung to the inside of his lungs making it difficult. His fingers move against dirt and cloth on a warm stone floor. The fire it seems, has not reached this place. He frowns when his fingers dip into something wet… something still warm. It is thick, unlike water and the smell is so familiar he has the urgency to yell but it comes out as a wet cough._

_It is then that his vision begins to clear._

_It is then he sees what coats his hands._

Loki's eyes snap open and his body convulses forward only once. He quickly gazes to his uncovered hand and begins to wipe it furiously against his leather pants, in a useless attempt to clear away the stain. Noises of desperation are whispered through his teeth as he continues to try and clean his hand. After a few minutes he raises the appendage to his eyes and his heart calms as the hallucination fades. He falls back into the corner he is seated against, the captain's bed remaining empty as it has been for the last few days. His breathing is quick as he tries to control himself, tries to control a body that will not heed his commands.

'Feel nothing.' he says over and over.

A feeling begins to push behind his eyes, wanting to escape but Loki's hands twist into his hair as he forces it down. He pulls, focusing his attention on the slight sting and the feeling fades, sinking back into his control.

With much effort he stands, and begins to smooth out his hair with hands that feel sluggish and weighed down. He knows his appearance lacks finesse but pride is often a thing that seldom lingers, even amongst beings as wretched as he. Opening the door of the small room he had confined himself to over the past few days he steps out. He spies the captain asleep on the cushioned bench and veers immediately towards the exit. He reaches for the handle and turns it slowly.

Loki stiffens as he hears a small yawn and the stretching of one's muscles. It is only then that he is aware of the captain rising, slowly he turns.

Loki stands or as Steve observes, slightly leans against the frame, holding an arm around his stomach.

"Oh, you're still here." Steve says and Loki's head drops.

He is not wanted here. Never wanted.

"Forgive my intrusion, I did not mean to overstay my welcome." He mutters softly

It has been a while since he has used his voice.

Steve almost slaps himself. Raising his hands he steps forward while Loki tries to step back, causing the captain to freeze.

"I didn't mean it that way, just…"

Loki frowns slightly.

"My presence on Midgard is temporary; I will leave if that concerns you." Loki says quickly.

Steve merely looks at him unable to respond, his eyes glance over him taking in his appearance. The god's complexion is far paler than it was before and he appears to have withdrawn into himself. Steve steps back to give him some room and he sees the minute relief pass over Loki as his shoulders relax, but he remains where he is.

"Look, I know what I saw in the park and-"Steve pauses, "You were leaving?"

Loki tilts his head in acknowledgement.

"It is an Asgardian custom to give thanks to those who provide shelter." The god bows his head and turns, "but it is best for all that I…I be on my way."

"Ah." Steve makes a noise to garner Loki's attention once more.

"I appreciate your attempts at persuading me to stay, captain, but…" Loki turns but doesn't meet Steve's gaze.

"I saw the blood."

Loki snaps his gaze up and his breathing quickens but it is soft, masked, and unable to be heard by the mortal.

"Compared to Stark or Banner I may not be a smart guy, but I'm guessing you were heading to Stark's tower, possibly to stay. "

_I could not think of anywhere else left that would house me_. Loki thought to himself

"I mean…" Steve pauses assessing whether or not to continue. "Well, it's always the place Thor goes when he is trying to reach us."

Fire flashes through Loki's mind and he closes his eyes as the assault spreads, bringing that same burning feeling back.

"Where is Thor? It's just, it was agreed that he had to be with you."

"Thor is in Asgard." Loki says flatly. "He is required to remain there for the foreseeable future." He says as he tries to raise his lips in an attempt to give a small reassuring smile but it comes out as more of a grimace. Steve merely nods in understanding, but in his mind he knows something is wrong. A small moment of silence passes between the two. Steve goes to open his mouth until the noise of his cellphone breaks his concentration. Loki leans to the side his eyes searching for the noise too and watches Steve give him an apologetic look.

"Oh, Stark." Loki watches the mortal say into his small device.

Loki can clearly hear Stark's loud voice through the device from his position near the door. For a moment, a brief moment he thinks he could stay…belong, but the thought is torn and ripped into fractions of his own delusions. The mortal turns his back, answering a few questions with short and quick answers and Loki knows, he knows…

He must leave for his own sake…

And theirs.

He turns and quietly opens the door and without looking back he makes his escape.

It is always easier to run, Loki reminds himself. It is always easier not to feel.

He makes his way to the outside, where the mortals live in their thousands within a city of stone and glass and dirtied fog. Loki calms himself, conjuring a small glamor over him with what he has recovered. It is not enough to be sustained for a long time, but it is enough to remain discreet for a short time. He heads further away, deeper into the maze of streets with blaring horns and mortals that bump into him. He has no strength to argue, to demand respect, he is lost within them, in a sea of faces. It is not long until he finds himself tucked away in a darkened alley; where the noise in his chosen place is quiet save for the occasional hum of his surroundings. Steam escapes the vents from below and Loki can still smell the distinct decay and freshness that always comes with the rain.

He stands, staring at the array of bricks before him.

_It should have been me. They all think it, they all say it._ Loki thinks, bringing his hands up and trying to claw away the hatred.

Why must I exist only to be a disease upon others?

His hands still and fall beside him as he stares at the wall once more. He does not register commanding his feet to move but they break into a sprint. It is not long, only a mere moment before that same array he once stared at has now blinded his vision. He slams his head into the stone once more hoping it will do the damage he longs for. But mortal's stone is far weaker, far less sturdy than what the job needs… and so it crumbles and breaks against his blows. His palms hit the wall and he can feel himself sliding down.

He remains pressed against the brick wall, slowly moving his head back and then forward as his tired attempts continue. Loki begins to hum softly a tune once taught in his young years, his voice carrying no more sound than a whisper. It is an old tune, taught to him at a young age, something that reminded him of green fields and the feeling of being whole.

He must leave Midgard, or else he will see the same destruction, the same sickness he brings upon others brought here. Loki stops humming, his song going unfinished… he has not the strength to travel the worlds again.

He is tired, so very tired.

Finally he sinks down, his back against the wall. He remains still for a while, empty until the urge to look once more overwhelms him. Carefully he removes his glove and laughs weakly at the absurdity of it all. He lets his hand fall to the concrete ground. The damp around him cracks as it turns to ice. It climbs up the walls like a spiders web, covering a small patch around him in frost.

Loki looks down in resignation at it all and places the glove over his hand, covering the patches of dark blue and raised lines against his skin.

A disease.

"A disease with no cure." Loki whispers as he begins to slowly tap his head against the frost covered bricks once more.

**An alert will give you a love and comfort blanket to drape over Loki, a review will let you rub small circles against his back.**

**-Brought to you by the Broadcasting Service of Mimbillia-**


	3. Clearing

**Welcome back avid readers!**

**Many thanks to BlackMetalHeart and many thanks to those who simply take the time to read this. **

_He walks through the darkened hallways, hearing their whispers in the air. He needs not rush, for no one is expecting him, no one needs or wants his presence around anymore than they used to. He passes palace workers busily trying to clean off the scorch marks stained into the walls. They stop and stare at him, hatred marring their features. Even when he is far away he can hear their whispers echoing within the empty palace._

_"He caused this."_

_"Why couldn't it have been him? "_

_"Look at him, he is soulless, he doesn't even mourn." They all say._

_Though not expressed openly, the whispers have begun to turn into shouts of accusations and false claims. Rumours spread like wildfire within the palace walls, suffocating him. With haste he arrives at his destination and pushes the large double doors open. It's still in the early hours of the morning and Loki knows there is naught a presence but his own… and the one he has come to see. He is hesitant, that much he will admit to himself, and perhaps also fearful of what he will find. He has been so alone, suffocating against the force of the outside world, a world that refuses to accept him as __a__ part of it. Loki finds himself stopping before the final set of doors. He wonders if he should turn back, and for a moment his feet begin to slide backwards._

_But he is so alone. Even just a quick glance might change the sour and decayed feeling that has seeped into his heart as of late. He closes his eyes, willing himself strength as his fingers wrap around the golden handles. They feel cool to the touch and it calms him. A few seconds pass, as he remains standing, before he exhales shakily and pushes the final set of large wooden doors. They creak__s__ against their own weight, and he finds himself looking back at the empty room behind him, eyes darting side to side as he searches for signs of another presence. He turns and slips into the room, taking care to close the door. The candles above burn low and the room remains dimly lit. Loki takes a step and looks towards the transparent sheer curtains that serve as a barrier for what lies beyond. There are no windows in this room and he can smell a slight musk between the scents of balms and elixirs that have long stained the air in this unchanging space. _

_He moves towards the curtains and pulls them back slightly. His eyes look down immediately as guilt and raw loss blossomwithin him. Loki steps into the confines of the curtains, quickly drawing them to a close behind him once more. He holds onto the fabric for a moment, back turned to the figure lying behind him, unsure if his presence would only cause more pain. Finally he turns his head and the rest of his body follows._

_He steps closer to the bed and looks down, swallowing the thick lump that had formed in his throat. It feels tight and painful and his eyes almost betray him. Anxiety washes through him and he clasps his hands together as the instinctive urge compels him._

_"I am lost." He whispers to the prone figure, his eyes searching for any sign that it hears him._

_"It should have been me." He says after a moment of silence. Loki brings his right hand up hovering it above the shoulder of the one that lies quietly. His fingers shake as they move further down and begin to remove some of the furs covering the body's chest. It doesn't take long before the sight of soaked bandages and the smell of burnt copper flood his eyes and nose and cause him to quickly place the furs back where they were. Once more his hand hovers so close to the bare shoulder… so close he can almost feel its warmth._

_"You are all that I have left." He says with a voice that betrays the stillness of his face. _

_Finally, Loki escapes the despair that has held him since he entered this room and places the tips of his fingers onto the shoulder. He stays still, keeping what little contact he has… once tapping the shoulder gently as if waking a child._

_"Please tell me what to do." He begs, knowing he will not receive an answer. _

_But hope is always a strange thing._

_"Please…Thor…"_

Loki blinks from his stupor as a shadow blocks his vision of the alley wall before him. He remains tucked near a corner between a decrepit dumpster and a few discarded trinkets. It is not a place a prince would choose to be, but it has been a long time since he has been considered such.

"You know, if you were trying to get away… you didn't do a very good job of it."

Loki raises his head and looks at Tony Stark. The mortal has his arms crossed and stares down at the god seemingly unimpressed. Loki's eyes follow Stark as the mortal crouches down, careful not to have his suit touch the dirty ground as he remains slumped against the wall. His hands remain firm on the ground beside him, not bothering to move.

_What would be the point?_ Loki silently muses.

"A few blocks?" Stark begins, "I _know_ you can do better than that."

Loki watches Tony wipe his mouth, a thought clearly on his mind.

"But something tells me you're not exactly in 'magic' mode right now." Stark says, using his fingers to exclaim his point. "Which makes sense if you're wounded, but last time you healed pretty fast…"

Loki surprises himself as he raises an inquisitive eyebrow.

Tony hums as he is brought from his ramblings and stares at the god. Reaching down into his suit pocket he pulls out a phone and raises an expectant eyebrow.

"I _was_ on the phone with him you know, when you decided to go solo. You should have heard his voice the guy freaked, it was hilarious." Loki hears the man say with amusement in his voice He opens his mouth to say something but quickly turns his head at the footsteps he hears, his face shifting into guarded uncertainty.

"Mr. Stark."

Tony makes a face and stands. He sees the sudden flash of defensive caution shift within Loki and waves at him not to worry while he swivels on his heels and places his hands on his hips.

"Happy, I thought we agreed first name basis, you wound me man."

"I am in charge of your safety." The man says, pointing to his badge clipped against his pocket. "Being professional is my job."

Loki leans forward from his seated position and peers around the dumpster that blocked his vision. The other mortal he has never seen before. He narrows his eyes in suspicion and takes in the detail of the suit. Loki's nostrils flare in accusation.

_ S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, _he silently fumes.

"Happy, I've been in space surrounded by alien warships; I think I'll be fine in a New York alley."

"People get mugged all the time in alleys." The man says quickly with displeasure clearly written across his features.

"Not all people have such great security around."

Loki frowns at the conversation… even with Stark's back turned to him he can hear the smile in the man's voice as clear as day. Tony motions Happy forward and Loki can clearly see the man is once again displeased. Tony leans in closer to the man and begins to talk near his ear.

"Look, right now, I'm kinda on unofficial Iron Man business … or Avenger crap whatever." Tony says moving his hands in small circles. Loki looks on as the man's eyes widen slightly and looks at him, taking in the detail of the god.

"You mean," Happy whispers as he points non-discreetly to the sky, "He's… you know."

Loki watches Stark pat the man on the back who has seemingly been stunned into silence.

"Look," Stark says as he begins to steer the man away to the alley's entrance, "Why don't you wait with Captain Spangler over there on his retro bike… get a signature, do some selfies I won't tell Pep. "

Stark stops walking with the man and gently pushes him away. It is only after the alley is clear once more does he swivel and walk back to the god.

"Happy can be a little paranoid." Stark says absentmindedly.

Loki has remained slumped against the wall, unsure of what had just transpired.

"To my knowledge…" Loki licks his dry lips, "S.H.I.E.L.D. is not that persuadable." He finishes as he looks Stark in the eyes.

Tony points behind him with his thumb.

"Who that guy? He ain't a suit, well technically he _is _but he's my suit, but whatever, off topic."

Loki blinks trying to follow Stark's ramblings. The mortal stops suddenly and takes in an exasperated sigh while he looks over the god.

"Look, I'm not stupid, I'm actually a genius okay. But it doesn't take a genius to know something's gone down up in Asgard… something that perhaps did not end well for you."

For a brief moment something flashes across Loki's eyes and he opens his mouth in mild surprise, but the feeling soon fades and he casts his gaze back downwards.

"No," Loki laughs a little but it comes out forced and broken, "I suppose it didn't." He says as he looks back up, the small smile he held on his face immediately disappearing.

Tony looks over Loki with more scrutiny. He remembers Steve telling him how the man looked, but seeing him in person, rather than being described over the phone, well Steve didn't really do the description justice. Without a word, Tony moves his gaze downwards and concentrates more closely near Loki's abdomen. He can see half of what would have been a ghastly wound tucked beneath the edges of his long signature coat. He can see raw flesh having been newly kitted and healed, after all Tony had only seen a few of Thor's injuries heal themselves… but he does not miss the singed outer edges of the wound.

_Something quite large_, Tony notes to himself,_ circular, size of a palm_.

For a moment it makes sense to Tony that Loki has remained within the city and the realisation puts him on edge.

_What ever happened did a lot of damage._ He thinks as it dawns on him.

Tony watches recognition hit the god's face as he tries to discreetly pull his coat back over the wound.

"Earth or Asgard?" Tony finds himself asking.

Loki remains silent, turning his face away tiredly and Tony taps his chin unable to determine the answer.

"Well!" He says clapping his hands on his thighs as he pushes himself up. "Now that that's sorted we can go."

Loki frowns and stares at Tony.

"Go?" He repeats unsure of himself.

"You're not going to stay here are you?" Tony scoffs. "You'll be better off in the tower than in the streets."

Loki remains where he is slumped and an unknown emotion crosses his features.

"Or you can stay here. " Tony says as he lowers his voice. "But I don't think S.H.I.E.L.D. will be too forthcoming of your presence, after all… Thor is technically meant to be with you."

Tony sighs at the god's persistent silence.

"Thor does know you're here right?" he asks unsure.

Loki tenses quickly as his fingers twitch.

"I… told him of my plans." Loki says slowly.

Tony makes a face as he holds his hand out. He doesn't believe a word he hears but he knows it's the only thing he has to go on. After a moment Loki reaches out and hesitantly grabs onto Tony's hand. It feels slightly warmer than what he remembered but the thought passes as the god is hoisted onto his feet.

The feeling of confusion and hope fill Loki as he follows behind Stark. It had been so long since he had experienced an act of concern towards him… He'd almost forgotten what it felt like. As he exits the mouth of the alley movement catches his eye and he looks left. Steve Rogers pushes himself off the smaller vehicle and takes a few steps toward him. He casts his eyes downward. The sense of suffocating once more overwhelms him and he takes a step backwards away from the others.

_No…_ he thinks quickly, _it will end as before_…

Loki feels a hand on his shoulder, bringing him out of his irrational and frenzied thoughts.

"Pepper's already at the Tower." Tony mutters reluctantly on his part, as he guides Loki towards the non-descript car.

Loki sees the man Stark called 'Happy' look at him once more before resuming his place as the vehicles driver. He is seated awkwardly within the confined space, his knees pushing into the seat before him while his Asgardian attire flows over the seat and around him. Loki looks around, unsure where to place his hands. He has only ever ridden on this form of transport once and it had been on the roof, holding on. Quietly he decides to place his arms close to his chest.

He knows he must soon move on, change location and start anew once more… but the strong desire to feel a familiar place overpowers him. He is tired of hard surfaces, mud ridden forests and realms of unwelcoming residents.

He is tired of running.

Just this once… he will stay.

If only for a short while.

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	4. Whispers

**Welcome back avid readers.  
**

**Apologies for the delay, life got in the way. Once again many thanks to my Beta BlackMetalHeart, a true beta-inspiration.**

**enjoy.**

_He sits in the empty food hall of the palace, not a single soul in sight. It is quiet here, with nothing but the black insignias __adorning the walls. He stays seated, fidgeting with his covered hand nervously. The hour of feast has __long since __passed but Loki knows he will show. He has not been able to have an audience with Odin of late, but he has studied his current routine… he should be here._

_He will come._

_He waits another hour in the silence, picking at his hand without a thought before he hears the familiar sounds of the Allfather entering. Loki finds himself standing quickly, hands suddenly by his side in trepid anticipation. He remains standing until Odin lowers himself into his seat with dejected exhaustion painted clearly on his face. Loki waits until Odin is served with a full mug of mead before he attempts to talk. _

_Loki quickly lowers his head, eyes frantically moving as he tries to find the right words to say. Underneath the table his hands are clasped firmly together to stop the minute shake._

"_Father..." He tests quietly, looking at the man before him._

_Odin does not indicate __that __he hears him and takes a sip. He finds himself looking down; a sharp feeling of hurt overwhelms him__,__ almost crushing what __little __confidence he has manage to salvage over the last few days. It has yet been a month since… he closes his eyes to quell the onslaught of memories._

"_I thought I may have words with you." He says looking at Odin with little hope in his eyes. "I'm… " He begins and stops before he finds the right words again. "A delicate situation has arisen, amid this time… and I wish to request…"_

"_You will request nothing." Odin's voice stops him with finality. Loki frowns, his eyes not understanding. He brings his covered hand from under the table, his other hand hovering over the glove, deciding whether to take it off. But as Loki looks around nervously at the few servants lining the walls he stops._

_They mustn't know… he thinks frantically._

_He leans forward about to lift a section of the glove, to reveal the weakening strength of Odin's glamour around him, but Odin cuts him off with a single huff._

"_Asgard's concern is not you." Odin puts his cup down and leans close to him and Loki immediately realises his mistake. "Already you move towards further gain, even as the pyres still burn our dead, even as we still commit souls to sea."_

_Hurt burns onto his face and he looks down, grief washing over him. Silently he slips his hand back under the table and Odin leans back into his chair._

"_All because Loki has a delicate situation." Odin mutters._

_Silence descends upon the great hall as Loki stays seated staring into the space before him, hope having been extinguished in a __mere __matter of seconds. After a long time in silence something finally hits him, a realisation. _

_But not a realisation, a truth, something that was always there._

_He stands slowly and keeps his gaze forward into the empty space of the hall before him._

"_Asgard's concern…." He says tightening his jaw as the full weight __of this truth __bears down upon him. "You wish it is I that __lies __in Eir's chambers. That I was struck down instead of him?"_

_Odin raises his cup to his lips but does not take a sip, nor does he respond. Loki swallows with difficulty. The truth is often hard to accept for one so adept at lies and it lodges itself deep in his throat. Loki makes no move as his eyes lower, rimming with something he thought long since shed._

"_Forgive me, then." He says stepping back as he composes himself as much as possible his covered hand moving away from sight. "It seems I have once again failed to meet your expectations." _

_Odin makes no move to respond and leaves Loki to exit with no reason to stay. He walks aimlessly among the empty darkened space of the palace. It is only when he notices that his mind has led him to Eir's chambers that he looks into the room. He enters and stares once more at his brother lying so still. The color of his skin not yet returning and those eyes remaining closed._

_Loki thinks then, this is not how Thor should be. To be so still__.__T__o be so quiet._

_He kneels down onto the stone floor and rests upon the edge of the bed, his right arm coming across Thor's broad shoulders while his head rests on his other arm, folded beneath him on the edge. The position reminds him momentarily of their youth, when things were simpler. _

_When mother…_

_Loki enjoys the silence for a moment with his brother before he lifts himself closer and leans next to Thor's ear. He does not know if his brother can hear him, perhaps it is better that way. _

_He whispers his words then cups the back of Thor's neck while he lowers himself. Their foreheads touch momentarily until he pulls away._

_He looks back one last time in-between the threshold of the door and hallway. He turns away from his brother __and__ nods to himself before slipping away. _

* * *

Tony stays silent as they travel to his tower. He sits in the backseat and momentarily rests his elbow onto the passenger's windowsill. From his peripheral vision he watches Loki as the man keeps his gaze to the window on his side. It is hard to see what emotion is across the god's face and Tony has to look at the review mirror just to see his profile. While Loki is dejected at present, opting to remain silent Tony knows there is a storm of thoughts passing through the god.

The signs are all there, he's seen it before in himself.

He taps his fingers against each other as he continues to think. Loki may be in 'passive' mode right now but Tony knows, and has seen what happens when he snaps, when the god suddenly changes into a berserker. It is as if Loki is his own arc reactor, stable when controlled by the right elements, but at any moment he can explode.

Tony does not want to think about the collateral damage.

He taps his fingers once again and peers over without the subtly this time. He watches as Loki absentmindedly picks at his covered hand then slowly moves to his elbow before returning his task back to his hand. He frowns; he's seen those gloves before. Pepper gave them as a gift when…

Tony's eyes widen at the sudden memory. Quickly looking the other way to the window on his side his lips part in slight understanding.

"So…" He decides to break the silence and look once more at the god.

Loki looks at Stark with a stoic disposition, his picking seemingly stopping as his attention is diverted towards him. Tony, unable to think of anything to break the silence merely points to his own hand. Loki quickly glances down towards his own before it disappears from sight.

"Does Thor know?" Tony asks as he watches Happy make a turn leading to his Tower basement.

"If you are concerned to about the proximity of my touch, I have made concentrated efforts to reduce contact." Loki says softly but quickly.

"I am aware of my past mistakes, but I give you my word I will endeavor to ensure no harm will come to Lady Pepper again."

"I get that." Tony raises his hands in a placating manner as Happy moves to park the car. "We worked around the icy touch thing before remember? We can do it again, I'm just asking if Thor knows about this because the last time we all saw you guys, you were getting the smurf look fixed."

As they come to a stop and all exit the car Happy makes a visible double take at Loki and frowns. Tony quickly dismisses his friend and moves around to the other side of the car where Loki stands. Even in the privacy of his own tower, Loki continues to appear on alert.

"I told Thor of my plans…" Loki begins but his voice slowly drifts into silence.

Tony sees how Loki takes long moments between blinking and can see the sudden confliction within him. He knows he has pressed too far into something and backs off opting to direct him to the elevator. Now, he knows, is not the time to quiz Loki… when the guy is barely managing to control some form of emotion Tony is unable to deduce what it is.

He guesses it sits between total breakdown or malfunction in layman terms.

They ride the elevator in silence. Tony makes multiple attempts to start some form of conversation but the awkwardness of the situation deters him. Sure, Loki is at most times placated when around the Avengers and himself but his very presence still manages to place him on edge. Tony thinks then how it must be on Asgard to have others constantly wary, to be always suspicious by his mere presence. Tony begins to think how lonely that must have been but the opening of the elevator doors snaps him out of his silent ramblings.

He makes a B-line for the counter and effectively drops all of his gadgets lazily before heading straight to the liquor cabinet. He needs a drink, and damnit he deserves one. He pours himself a healthy serving and watches Loki slowly amble his way across the landing, opting to stand to the side as if unsure what to do with himself.

-_Sir I advise you to consume food before engaging in recreational pastimes, though I assume you will ignore me as always?-_

"Jarvis buddy, I'm moderating." Tony lifts his glass, gently moving it so the ice makes a sound against the crystal, and holds it to the ceiling.

-_Ah yes a double __serving __in one glass is always better than second helpings, forgive my concern.-_

"All is forgiven man." Tony says taking a victory sip.

"Double servings? Now I know it must have been a busy day."

Tony hears Pepper's voice and turns. He leans against the counter and pastes a wide grin on his face.

"The busiest," he cocks his head in Loki's direction as Pepper crosses the threshold between the lounge and bar. "We got ourselves a visitor… sort of."

Pepper looks over while walking but stops and does a double take. She shakes her head momentarily as if she doesn't believe what she sees. Tony takes a huge sip before he rounds the counter.

"Loki." She says smiling.

Tony veers around towards her while Loki tilts his head in acknowledgment.

"Lady Pepper." He says softly and, much to Tony's dislike, almost in an endearing way.

Loki tenses as she makes a move towards him. He has often seen mortals greet in this manner but the close physical contact sends worry through him. He remains still as Pepper quickly presses a hug before moving back next to Tony.

"Tony didn't say anything about you coming to visit." She says as she hits Tony in the chest and quickly turns to him. "Why didn't you say anything?" she says with slight annoyance detected in her voice

Tony raises his hands.

"It's not like Asgard has phones Pep." Tony says defensively.

Loki watches Pepper look around slightly and prepares himself for the oncoming question.

"Did Thor come as well?" She asks.

Loki opens his mouth to reply but Tony interrupts.

"Big guy is busy doing his princely duties right?" Tony asks with an eyebrow raised.

Loki would admire the subtly of the interrogation from Stark if things were different. Without wanting to be pressed further he simply replies with a curt nod. Perhaps it is the way he looks down, the way he averts his gaze towards the floor that suddenly introduces silence into the conversation. He does not dare look at the gaze the two mortals give each other before Pepper makes a short noise of acknowledgement.

"It's always good to see you." She breaks the silence.

Loki takes a chance to gaze at them but he hears her voice trail off, her eyes slowly looking at the visible scorch mark peeking from underneath his coat.

"If I may, I would like to rest now." He looks to Tony.

Pepper holds Tony's shoulder for a moment until she nods and gestures for him to follow. Tony stays behind as Loki follows Pepper. He steps into the room he is guided to and turns to face a concerned face.

"Is everything alright?" She asks with true concern.

"I wish to rest. "He says again not meeting her gaze as he slowly closes the door on her. He stays leaning against the door waiting the hear Pepper walk away. As he waits he looks at his surroundings and smiles. It is the room Thor often stays in, this he knows. Lingering wisps of his aura coat the place, however small it is.

Loki lets the almost tinge of familiarity calm him.

If only for a moment.

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	5. Exile

**Welcome back avid readers.**

**Thanks to my Beta BlackMetalHeart for her hard work as always.**

_Loki slips away from Eir's chambers and makes it no more than a few steps before he is grabbed by his collar and shoved roughly against the walls of the stone hallway. He remains limp as he is slammed once again into the harsh stone, his head painfully connecting with the wall. He keeps his eyes on his attacker but makes no move to retaliate._

"_Sif." He acknowledges without emotion._

_The harsh grip around his collar tightens uncomfortably._

"_What were you doing in there Loki?" Her voice drips with suspicion, "Ensuring his death?"_

"_I need not explain myself to you." He says._

"_No, you don't. Your actions clearly speak instead of your silver tongue." She releases him as she rips him away from the door. Loki stumbles as he gains his footing and straightens himself._

"_You truly are a disease upon Asgard." She whispers as she moves her head to glance at the door behind her. Loki finds himself tensing as he hears the words of hatred. Such outwardly hatred from Sif catches Loki off guard._

_Sif turns once more to look at him. Most of her burning anger has been transformed into a bitterness directed solely at him._

"_You declared with poisonous words your oath to Thor and yet when he needed you most, you were nowhere to be seen. Perhaps the whispers are true, perhaps you conspired against us…"_

_Loki opens his mouth but it turns dry and for once he is left speechless by Lady Sif._

"… _perhaps you are the reason why the Queen is-"_

_Splitting rage that burns like fire courses through Loki in that split second and before Sif can finish her sentence he launches at her, grappling for her throat to cease her words. He was never one to be able to match the physical strength of the warriors of Asgard… but his mind screams with so much blind hatred that he loses the sense to use his magic against her. He is barely able to land anything on her before a blow to the side of his face knocks him down. He feels warm liquid drip from his nose as he tries to push himself up._

_Sif however kneels on top of him, pinning him to the ground and Loki is forced to bitterly accept that he has little strength to go against her._

_Or perhaps, he just doesn't care anymore._

_He feels her grabbing his collar once more and pressing. Loki stares into her eyes as he remains pinned on the ground, blood dripping freely from his nose. _

"_There is no cure for what you are Loki Odinson." Sif says through angered loyalty. "Thor believes you to be good but I see as clear as our stars what you are."_

_Loki does not respond as the words burn into him. _

"_You are a disease, a bringer of chaos to all who lay in your path and it will always be your legacy. I cannot recall a single hunting trip that you were involved in that didn't result in at least one of us returning with fresh scars. If only Thor saw what you are, then perhaps he wouldn't be with Eir."_

_Loki breaths rapidly through his nose as Sif steps off him, he twists to his side once he is free and dabs his hand to his nose. He says nothing as he peers at his blood soaked fingers._

"_It should have been you. Why couldn't it have been you?" Sif says with resentment._

_Loki takes a moment to compose himself and stands without a word, it is easier this way. He would have torn her to pieces with his quick words had everything been different… but now, now he has not the will to argue. Even then, he feels that her words ring true._

"_You think me a monster." He whispers to her in the empty hallway as he wipes the blood from his face._

_Loki watches Sif frown, an unreadable emotion flashing through her eyes until she looks away. It is in that moment of silence that Loki knows what her mind screams. He quickly looks down at his covered hand while he clenches and unclenches his fist. Loki wonders for a moment how she found out… was it Hogun that finally let his silence break? The thought disappears from his mind before it is quickly replaced by a sudden urge to laugh._

_How did everything fall apart?_

_Loki looks at Sif, and he suddenly realizes what he must do._

"_Ensure my brother remains comfortable." he says before he turns to leave, ignoring Sif's calls of frustration._

_He quickly sets himself to work and travels to the great library. The destruction and fire was lucky not to spread to this place, Loki finds himself looking down a particular section of the expansive area covered in shadows. Guilt is tasted heavily in the air as he wanders the endless array of shelves. Occasionally he stops and pulls a dusted tomb from its resting place, disappearing it into the place where all his belongings go. He only takes a mere pile of tombs; texts he knows will not be missed or suspected of theft. _

_After the library he makes his way to his own chambers, ensuring the candles remain cold and all things closed. He makes quick work of himself, already knowing what he wants to keep and what will be left behind. Loki knows it won't be much after all… none of the objects within this room are really his._

_They belong to Asgard, their purpose to be used by an Asgardian._

_Still, he thinks… a few were gifts._

_He picks up a few of his daggers adorned on the wall above his desk and momentarily admires them. They were a gift from Frigga herself, aligned with perfectly crafted runes on the hilt on his nameday. Loki cannot help himself as he pulls the gift close to his chest. But the feeling subsides and he places the objects back onto the wall._

_Everything must remain the same, he tells himself, and it will be as though he simply ceased to be._

_He exits his chambers quietly and heads outside, keeping to the shadows and only hiding when patrolling guards block his path. It's not until he almost reaches his destination that a quick movement on his right averts his attention. Turning his head he makes eye contact with Hogun a short distance away. The warrior is placing a few swords back onto their stands and has turned his head to face him. Loki watches as Hogun's eyes quickly look him over, assessing him._

_A silent understanding passes between them._

_Loki turns away and continues on, leaving the warrior to watch him disappear back into the shadows. Something lifts within his heart as he reaches one of the many sites he uses to travel the realms. He knows he often criticizes Thor on sentiment, chastising him for his stupidity, but Loki thinks as he stares back at the golden citadel how he will miss it._

_It is only fleeting. As is his presence _

_No one sees him disappear from the realm, not even the great gatekeeper._

"Loki?"

Loki is brought back into awareness sharply and for a moment his eyes dart around wildly trying to remember where he is. He had been so engrossed in the silence of his mind that he had almost lost himself to it.

"I didn't mean to startle you."

He turns his head from where he sits against the edge of the unused bed and looks towards the soft voice he hears. Pepper enters the room and closes the door. She keeps her back turned for the longest of moments with a thought clearly stuck on her mind.

"You haven't moved in a few days." She says straightforwardly but softly. "I thought something might have happened."

Pepper walks over and kneels to his side, keeping enough distance between him. It is a small gesture but one that makes him feel comfortable. Loki makes no effort to move or reply… he is just too tired.

So tired.

"_Has _something happened?" She asks with concern.

He remains silent, but inside his emotions are waging war, crashing against each other with such force he thinks returning to the void within him is the only way to stop it.

Pepper seems to take notice, watching him intently as his eyes slightly narrow but glaze over at the same time. She moves from her position, bends her legs beneath her into a more permanent position as if she were praying and places her hands into her knees. She finds the position uncomfortable but sitting in a chair would entail being higher than the god. Pepper knows her position needs to be the same, on the ground; she has faced many of Tony's anxiety attacks the same way.

"Tony told me what he suspects." Pepper begins and sees Loki raise his eyes. "I'm inclined to agree but he doesn't see what I see. You don't have to answer if you don't want to; you can just nod but…"

Pepper sighs and readies herself and leans forward.

"Did someone die?" she says quietly, unsure of herself.

She watches as the sudden calmness of his face contorts quickly, eyebrows furrowing in despair as his eyes close to contain the pain. Loki takes two quick breaths before returning to himself. He looks at her, the sudden stillness spreading across his features as he lowers his head in a gentle nod.

"Tho-" Pepper begins.

"Thor is safe now." Loki whispers shakily and smiles to himself gently as if a memory has taken hold. Loki looks once more at Pepper, hesitant and unsure if he should continue. But the sudden break in his walls lets his words escape freely.

"My mother..."

Loki feels Pepper's hand on his shoulder and for a moment Loki thinks it feels nice. Long has it been since he has received understanding of this kind.

"I'm sorry." Pepper says and Loki does not need to see her face to know she means it.

"Don't be…" He says. "You didn't kill her."

The full weight of his words hits her and Pepper moves forward to embrace him, to support him but Loki shifts away and raises his gloved hand to stop her.

"Please don't." He warns her as he inclines her head. "I gave my word to Stark and for once I will try to keep it."

"I didn't mean to overstep-"

"It's spreading." Loki cuts her off.

With ginger movements he begins to remove his glove. The sight of raised lines and blue pigment immediately makes his stomach recoil and he tries desperately to quell the self-hatred and shame that moves inside him. But he knows at least, in the company of someone he dares not to admit is his one friend, he feels strong enough to trust his appearance. To know that regardless of his form, within this space, he will not be judged… and this thought alleviates the burden pressing down upon him.

He shows her his hands, placing them side by side while Pepper looks on. After a few seconds he quickly removes them from her sight and places the glove back on.

"I know not the magic Odin placed on me. " He says holding his hand close to his chest. "So when his strength began to fade after… well, so did his glamor upon my form." Loki twists his face into anger. "It was for this _exact_ reason I was in the great library, trying to grasp the _one_ right that should be within my control. But no, conceited and loathful he is, Odin dare not reveal his one hold over me." He spits venomously as the emotions pour out from him.

And suddenly he cannot control himself. Emotions so tightly bottled, so carefully controlled over the past few months cannot escape fast enough and he can barely breathe from the strength of them.

"If he had only told me!" He screams at Pepper. "I would not have been deep in the library searching for answers. I would have heard them… but no…" Loki drawls out, suddenly standing in an uncontrollable rage, "No Lady Pepper, I had to find out through ambush that we were under attack, that Asgard was invaded. I had to fight my way through destruction only to find that _they_ had long been struck down, that _she _had long turned cold against the fire that consumed us!"

Pepper watches with slight apprehension as Loki loses his control. If is as though she can feel the heat of his anger blowing against her and for a moment, she steps back. It is when she steps back that Loki's gaze suddenly snaps back to her, and his anger falls away as quickly as it came.

"Forgive me, I did not mean…" He begins as he visibly tries to control himself. "Sleep cannot cure this exhaustion within me. I cannot escape the whispers, the accusations. It did not matter which realm I crossed, I could always hear the voices. The never ending burden…"

Loki's hands are strung through his hair, pulling at the roots as it continues to pour out from him.

"I know not why their hatred of me is so defined within them, why they believe I am the catalyst for all things. I knew not of the Elves existence, not of their purpose and yet..."

Loki looks upon Pepper.

"…I had not even time to wash their blood off my hands before 'Loki the Liesmith', 'Loki the Traitorous Prince' were falling from their lips." He says as he finally loses his energy. "Perhaps she was right after all." He trails off.

"I don't..." Pepper stops, thinking it over.

"Perhaps it's what I'm here for. That it is all that I am." Loki says quietly as if contemplating his own.

"Loki, how long…" Pepper beings to ask as his words dawn upon her.

She watches as he falls completely silent.

"…How long have you been away from Asgard?"

"Not long." Loki replies after a heartbeat. "It was the eighth moon cycle last night."

Pepper catches her mouth opening in shock.

"You've been on Earth all this time?" She asks walking closer, concern written across her face.

Loki shakes his head.

"First to Vanaheim then Alfhiem. The dwarves of Nidavellir did not receive me well. Neither did the other two. Suspicion is a trait seen within many Lady Pepper, and my presence, though concealed to the best of my capability, was eventually realized." Loki begins to say lightly and Pepper is too stunned by his sudden change to reply.

"Jötunheim and Svartalfheim were never an option and so Midgard was all that I had left." He says.

"Your wound…"

"This?" Loki holds his wound gingerly. "As I said the dwarves didn't offer a royal reception. They are quite the craftsmen; you know…always crafting new weapons. It is rare so newly formed pieces are able to be used for practice so quickly… but then again the gateway to there _did_ end deep within their territory."

Pepper's face falls into sadness. She wonders how he can talk so easily about being used as target practice that the knowledge of it can pass so quickly over him.

"You've been alone all this time?" She asks.

Loki quirks one of his eyebrows in endearing way and smiles softly.

"Well, yes."

"Then stay here."

Loki tilts his head at the sudden finality within her voice. It is strange to him, to think that she would not consider the consequences of his presence within the fortress.

"I understand if you want to go, and… I won't stop you, but at least if you stay, you won't have uh..."Pepper tastes the strange word on her lips for a moment, "Dwarves… using you as a target."

"To willingly invite chaos…mortals truly are strange." He muses softly.

"It'll make it easier for Thor then…" Pepper says as she holds his arm supportively.

"Easier?" Loki looks down at the contact with confusion.

"To find you when he comes to earth." She offers with a smile.

_Truly strange, _he muses nonchalantly. Loki gently peels off her hand as to not to offend her.

"I would like that." He says softly.

"I won't tell Tony or the others… it's not my place. But I'm just letting you know I will have to tell them_ something_."

"I wouldn't expect anything less."

"At least we are agreed."

Pepper makes a gaze at the door and tilts her head. Loki inclines his head as he acknowledges her intention. Pepper softens her gaze and gestures him to follow. As they walk into the warm lights of the main living area Loki feels a sense of security wash over him. It has been a while since he will enjoy the comfort of indoor living.

A voice unfamiliar to him distracts his attention as he turns towards the wall Stark and Rogers are standing before.

"-_Sources have confirmed that turmoil against Latveria is continuing to rise with the recent closure of their borders, causing unrest with neighbouring countries. So far no word has been received from the current Monarch Do-"_

"Finally." Tony say, pressing the remote and throwing it against the couch.

Loki watches as the screen goes blank and the woman on the screen disappears and his attention is once again on Stark. Rogers gives a casual nod towards them as he follows behind Stark. Loki something akin to guilt presses upon him but the feeling washes away quickly.

"Thought you rabbitted again. Steve was a bit concerned, really pulled at the heartstrings you know?"

"Tony, stop." Pepper says, effectively silencing the inventor. "Loki has decided to stay."

Loki watches as Stark looks him over, his eyes narrowing slightly as they take him in. With careful and deliberate precision the mortal rubs the bottom on his lip with his fingers, brushing his stubble with slow movements.

"I figured as much and I've arranged the natural precautions in the system. Best keep this on the down low for now. S.H.I.E.L.D. hasn't much of a stir lately and it's been pretty quiet on our end so we should be okay for a while."

"Tony, S.H.I.E.L.D. is-"

"Hush now, grownups are talking." Tony gestures absentmindedly to Steve without looking at him.

"I understand what you are implying Stark. Out of sight out of mind I believe?" Loki adds tilting his head.

"More or less." The man shrugs.

Loki merely nods to himself silently until Stark burst back into action.

"Since your staying here free of charge you may as well earn your keep." Tony says as he slaps the god on the back and pushes him away from the others. Loki simply has no energy to fight Stark on his whims and merely follows.

Pepper and Steve watch as Loki is led away while Tony mumbles on about 'calculations' and 'first world problems' until his voice slowly drowns out with distance. Steve stays standing with his arms crossed and sighs.

"It's bad, isn't it… up in Asgard?" he says after a moment.

Pepper nods.

"It is." She says. "I'm worried things will get out of hand." She murmurs.

"I'm half expecting them to, but we'll cross that bridge if it happens." Steve says.

_Or when_, Pepper thinks to herself.

**An alert lets you send a very detailed letter to Sif about etiquette, a review lets you join in on Stark's 'science time'**

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	6. Last Words

**Welcome back avid readers!**

**apologies for the tardy ness I am in the midst of my final semester and this requires much time to assessment, so bear with me. My regular weekly updates may turn into a 10 day chapter turn over bit longer, but nothing too drastic. Once again thankyou for your support. I would like to clarify that this story has elements of TDW in this. I chose not to explicitly state this as I'm sure my readers have seen the movie and will understand, naturally. Apologies If i caused confusion.  
**

**Thankyou to my great beta BlackMetalHeart.**

_Loki turned another page with careful frustration. He did not wish to damage such an old tomb, but he could not restrain his annoyance. Yet again there was no answer to the glamor of his appearance hidden away._

_Damn Odin._

"_I thought I would find you here."_

_Loki quickly turns his head, startled at the soft sound behind him. Gentle hands rest upon his shoulder and Loki relaxes at his mother presence._

"_Loki." Frigga greets as she squeezes her son's shoulders._

_Loki lowers his head and smiles, bringing one of his hands to rest upon hers. It is a simple gesture, but one that speaks a thousand words between them. He feels the closeness of her head as she leans forward to inspect his reading material. She hums near his ear._

"_To what knowledge does my son so seek in this tome at this hour?"_

_Loki's hand falls and he closes the book quickly._

"_Nothing." He says curtly, his annoyance rising once more._

_Frigga, sensing her son's distress takes a step back as Loki moves from his chair and scales a tall ladder. Picking another book he returns to the desk once more, but does not sit._

"_Something troubles you." She says glancing at the book's cover. _

"_And what gives you that inclination." Loki tries to tone down his sarcasm as he places the book on the desk._

"_A mother's gift." Frigga says as she offers a small smile. Placing her hands both onto Loki's arms, she stops him from his busying task. "Tell me, and I will listen." _

_Loki knows she will._

_She has always listened, when others did not. Even when his voice no longer reached Thor… but those were many years ago, and things with his brother were different._

_Better._

_And to Loki, to him it seemed in these current months he had finally moved ahead. He feared to label it something akin to peace but it was something of that sort. A sense of contentment for everything, everything except Odin's continued hold over him._

"_Will you not ask Odin to reveal his spell over me?" Loki asks and Frigga's smile slowly disappears._

"_My son, I will accept any appearance you choose to take."_

_Loki 'tsks' and gently holds his mother's wrists._

"_You maybe, and Thor, but unless I have control over it myself… I cannot be certain of my future."_

"_I cannot change the will of the Allfather, but he has a purpose to all things."_

_Loki steps away, his annoyance reaching a new level. Frigga leaves her hands outstretched to him for a moment but when Loki does not return to her she lowers them, clasping her hands together._

"_He continues to punish me, you know for past mistakes… the bitter old fool."_

"_Your father-"Frigga begins but Loki cannot control his annoyance and longer._

"_He's NOT my father!" He shouts, his voice echoing in the large expanse around them. Silence seems to dominate for a second as the words sink in. Loki see's Frigga eyes soften. She steps forward._

"_Then am I not your mother?" She asks._

_For a moment Loki is taken aback, her question sinking into him. Without a proper moment to think things through he raises himself and stays firm._

"_Technically…" he shifts, "You're not."_

_A small noise escapes her as she smiles and walks forward to him, tears ready to escape her… but they do not fall. Instead she puts her hand to his cheek and tilts her head. After a moment she lets her hand fall and begins to take her leave. Loki shifts to say something once more, but Frigga turns._

"_Keep the candles bright." She says as a mother to a child, "Do not harm your eyes trying to read in dim light." Turning she makes her leave._

_Loki lowers his head. At this time he decides he will go to her later and apologize, seek forgiveness for his lie. But he does not know that that chance will never come. _

_That his intended apology will form into a guilt so crushing it will stain his heart._

"Hand me the monkey wrench will ya." Loki hears Stark say underneath his horde of twisted metal and wires.

He blinks away the sudden memory that had clung to him and forces it down. He takes a breath and focuses on the present.

It has been a few days of the mortal dragging him down in his dungeon of distorted metal and implements of engineering torture. Loki finds himself utterly bored by the mortal's antics, but without anything to do he allows himself to be tugged away. Faint bursts of blue light emit from Stark's position, the sound of fire meeting metal in an eternal bond momentarily distracting him. Loki looks at Stark's open hand poking out from his position and frowns.

_To command a prince_, Loki chides as he turns to the workbench. His brows lower in concentration while his hands hover over the many blacksmithing utensils before him. He scolds himself as he is unable to determine what a 'wrench' denotes. As if on cue Stark rolls himself into eyesight from under his contraption and sits up.

"The one that looks like a crescent moon on a stick." Tony waves his oily hands nonchalantly.

Loki looks back to the table and huffs as he picks up what he can in both hands and turns back to Stark.

"They all look the same." He curls his lip in frustration.

"What!" Tony exclaims from his position on the floor and stands quickly, removing his soldering goggles. Loki watches Stark march his way over, the man throws a large object onto another workbench without grace as he passes.

Loki frowns at the prospect that it might explode upon impact.

"All the same…what are you crazy?" Tony says as if he is offended. "Look here, we've got the socket wrench, and this one here is the flare nut and my favorite in your right hand is the open ended wrench, cause no one discriminates on against that guy." Tony says pulling the correct tool he needs from Loki's grasp.

Loki places the remaining tools in his hands carefully down upon the bench for fear he might bend them in a sudden frustrated rage. Stark grins like a child and moves back to his project, while Loki steps back into his position.

Tony once more lies on his back and rolls himself underneath his machinery. Loki bends forward trying to watch Stark within his element, but he cannot see much, only hear the sound of a strange clicking noise.

"To what purpose will this beast serve?" Loki says leaning in further with his arms crossed. He is almost kneeling down as his interest peaks when Stark swears in a moment of pain.

"The Gantry ain't no beast, just something to get my suit off easier and some parts need replacing. Jarvis how are the specs?"

-_In consideration of your blatant disregard to the safety regulations you programmed me to tell you, quite well sir.- _

"Okay good, for a second there I thought you were sassing me Jarvis."

_-I would never, sir._-

"I thought you commanded the armor off separately?" Loki asks, "I've seen you do it before."

"Good point genius, I never thought of _that_ before."

Loki purses his lips in distaste at the obvious sarcasm.

Stark stops and rolls back into view.

"Damaged pieces cannot be controlled, and have to be manually removed. Being the awesome guy I am, I make Jarvis do it for me, right buddy?"

-_Always my pleasure, sir . -_

Stark grins again and rolls back under. More blue sparks escape from underneath while the mortal ignores him. Loki keeps his arms folded and taps his fingers lightly against his forearm in mild boredom. Turning his head he looks around absentmindedly and eyes the gantry blueprints strewn about on a small tool trolley near Stark's feet. A quick glance back at the mortal's position and Loki walks over casually. Loki watches Stark's feet as he eyes the blueprints once more in his side vision.

His hands tap faster, almost itching.

Loki stills for a split second before taking two large strides back to the workbench in silence. Wrapping his fingers around one of the wrenches he lifts the metal quickly and silently Loki eyes Stark's feet once more holding the object behind his back. Feeling satisfied he moves closer.

Loki freezes as Stark rolls back out.

"Socket wrench please." He holds his hand out.

Loki hands the tool from behind him. Stark frowns for a moment, before he takes it without a word and passes the old one to Loki.

"Thanks." He says before returning under the strange beast.

Loki eyes the old tool in his hand.

Sidestepping he makes his way to Stark's position and raises the wrench. Keeping one arm behind his back in a casual posture he raises the tool and hovers it above the location of Stark's head. Deducing the exact position from the blueprints he brings the tool down upon metal. A large 'clang' echoes through the room before the beast shakes.

A noise akin to a rupture and gurgling is heard before Stark is rolling back with such force he crashes into the trolley.

"Mayday mayday Jarvis I'm blind!" Stark yells as he staggers up, waving his hands around like a blind man.

Loki deigns to keep his face still while he places the wrench onto the bench top and slinks back into his position.

-_You are covered in hydraulic oil Sir, the pipe beneath you appears to have burst.-_

Stark straightens and lifts his soldering goggles, placing them on the top of his head. He glances down at himself. Painted black with hydraulic oil Stark raises his already blackened hands and wipes what he can off his face. With confusion he flicks what he can off his hands and stares at Loki.

Loki can feel the confusion emitting from the mortal in waves.

"Oh my." Is all Loki can say.

Stark continues to stare at the god seemingly shocked into silence.

"You appear to have a smudge on your face. " Loki taps his own nose.

Stark narrows his eyes and opens his mouth but is silenced when he is sprayed by what Loki sees is thick white foam from one of the metal beasts in his lab. It douses him while Loki keeps eye contact with the mortal.

By the look on the Stark's face, Loki is led to believe this happens often.

Stark merely death glares his machine, and it lowers its main beam.

"What have we talked about before huh?" He chides the robot.

"All this…" Stark points up and down to his soaked frame, "Not cool."

With a huff Stark takes off his gloves and throws them to the table.

"I think this is a good enough reason to call it a day…that, and I need a drink."

Loki merely nods in a placating manner and hastily exits Stark's laboratory, grateful that he will not spend another minute in that place. As they enter the main lounge suite and Stark veers off to his quarters, huffing incoherent ramblings as Pepper rounds the corner.

"You got him out early this time." Pepper smiles as she nods in Tony's direction.

"He made it too easy." Loki whispers softly.

Pepper looks up to Loki and covers her mouth, but the sound of laughter cannot be contained. Loki's eyes soften and for a brief moment, and he feels the corner of his lips rise.

* * *

It had been a few hours since the mortals had retired for the night and Loki found himself sitting in the silence without a thought running through his mind. It wasn't something that troubled him, having moments of complete stillness; he often found it useful, calming even.

Sleep was something that had long evaded him now, and he found himself growing used to the silent nights by himself.

And so he sits in the darkness of Stark's tower, looking out of the panelled windows to the city. For a second the city lights remind him of Asgard in the night, with towering spirals from his chamber balcony and the flickering gold of eternal candlelight below. With a wave of his hand a quiet burst of green fills the air, and in the corner of his eyes he sees what he conjures.

He turns his gaze to meet the figure sitting still next to him. Loki says nothing as the image of his mother smiles. He remembers the way she used to smile, the way her eyes shone, and so with another wave the illusion changes only slightly.

How he likes this smile.

The illusion extends her hand and waits. Loki lets his gloved fingers meet hers, and ignores the green energy between their hands. Even if there is no physical substance between himself and his illusion he can still feel the thick disparity of his spell in the air. It vibrates minutely, feeding the feeling through his glove and into his hand. It almost feels real.

He wants to hear his name in her voice and so with another wave Frigga opens her mouth slowly, but no sound escapes. Loki's heart beats faster and with another wave he tries again, but with each separate try the realization dawns on him.

He can no longer remember the sound of her voice.

_It was soft_, Loki frantically races through his memories, _it was hopeful_.

"_Loki."_

Yes. He could hear it so clearly in his mind, but as he tried to bring it to the surface of his memories it sounded off, unreal. The tips of his fingers fall through his illusion and his mother disappears with his anguish. For a brief moment, he thinks he has forgotten everything special to him in the short time it has been.

And in that second a sharp pang turns his heart cold. An echo of guilt fills his very essence and Loki places his head in his hands.

_No,_ Loki reminds himself. _Thor is safe_.

_I am gone, so Thor is safe, he will be safe…._

Nodding he removes his hands and wipes a single streak from his cheek.

Loki remains seated for a long while and he repeats his mantra over and over in his mind until the reassurance is clear and felt. As he gazes the through the windows he can see the warm pink hue of the rising sun. He frowns slightly.

He did not realize such time had passed. Standing up quickly he smooths out the crinkles in his attire and combs his hair, conjuring a little oil from his stash to keep it in place. Loki eyes the room, scanning over everything to ensure it was as the mortals had left it.

**An alert will let Thor crush you in his pop tart sugar fueled bear hug. A review will clearly let you calmly and affectionately give our mischief maker the same (clearly we all know which is better... but then again...)**

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	7. Dust

**Welcome back avid readers!  
**

**A few of my assessment pieces were completed which freed up some of my time.  
**

**in the words of natasha "thankyou for your cooperation'**

_Loki sits against the desk where Frigga had left him, hands stilled on the pages before him while he thinks. He should not have said those words to her, he knows this. Looking down he brushes the tips of his fingers to the corner of the pages edge, but does not turn it._

_Dust falls onto his nose and Loki brushes it away absentmindedly. _

_It has been a while; Loki thinks as he taps his fingers against the pages, he should apologize to her. It would be the right thing to do. Annoyance flares in his chest as he remembers the cause of his anger, if only Odin would be less of an ignorant fool and uphold his truce. Loki huffs as he returns his attention once more to the pages before him. His frowns as he feels something fall onto his head. Reaching up he combs his hands through his hair and brings them into his sight for inspection. Thick black dust mars his fingertips as he brushes them together to feel the texture. He directs his gaze upwards toward the ceiling._

_He knows he is far into the depths of Asgard's library, where only the oldest tomes are kept, out of the light and protected by thick ancient stone. It is only natural for millennia of age old dust to fall from the cracks. A small noise however breaks his gaze from the ceiling and once more he looks at the pages before him. Small pieces of stone roll down within the crease of the tome and onto the desk as if they have fallen from above. _

_Loki carefully picks up the dirt, having to dig most of it out of the tome's center and inspects it once more. Loki cocks his head in confusion as he slowly rises from his seat. He looks to the ceiling once more, seeing more dirt and stone fall where he stands. Turning around to look beyond the shelves he notices more streams of dust, like grey wisps falling from the ceiling in random tunes. He hears the sound of stone against stone in an echo around him._

_His lips part while he stares into the expanse of the library. There is nothing, he thinks, that can cause such a disruption within the roof above. _

_It is a moment he does not expect, where the ground beneath him heaves suddenly. Tomes fly from their places as a few shelves tilt dangerously and fall. Loki stumbles backwards half falling before he catches himself against the desk with shocked confusion painted across his features._

_Steadying himself he manages to stand straight once more. Looking up to the ceiling, dread begins to seep into his heart. Such power, to shake the foundation of the palace… Loki fears and makes his way to the exit. _

_As he ascends the stairwell in fevered bounds he opens the great library doors. Thick smoke stings his eyes and clouds his vision as he is forced to cover his mouth. Confusion is as thick as the smoke that surrounds him, but nonetheless he begins to quickly make his way to Frigga. He can hear screams now and the realisation of an attack sets in._

_The ground heaves once more and this time Loki has nothing to brace himself against. He falls hard to the ground with a grunt. It is here, where the smoke is thin that his vision clears enough for him to see movement ahead, the outline of thick boots make their way toward him. Loki narrows his eyes against the odd design and immediately tenses. Raising his gaze he sees a circle of white amongst the smoke. Using his hands to push himself up he waits, half crouched. He barely has enough time to throw himself out of the way before a large scorch mark mares the ground where he had just stood. Loki blindly rushes forward against the onslaught of blasts aimed for him. He feels the heat of a few barely miss his chest, scorching the leather near his arms._

_Summoning his blades he slides underneath the attacker's legs and stands behind him. In one swift movement he lifts his blade, feeling the iron split both bone and muscle. Flecks of blackened blood splash against his face as he removes the blade from flesh. _

_Loki looks down wildly at the heap crumpled against the ground. Kneeling down to the body with fierceness and speed he rips the white mask off and stares at the unknown intruder. _

_Impossible, he thinks before he sets off once more. He slays more intruders among the corridors, gutting them without a second thought. There are too many, too many he begins to fear._

_There is only one objective on his mind._

_It is only when he is thrust through a stone wall from an explosion that his vision clears from the fire. It seems smoke has not been able to penetrate this place and he pushes himself to his knees._

_He frowns when his fingers dip into something wet…something still warm. He feels it drip thickly off his fingers as he stares numbly ahead, still on his knees. A small intake of breath and Loki blinks._

_He looks upon his mother lying so still on the ground. A small dose of blood trails from her mouth to join the pool beneath her and for a moment, for a single moment Loki cannot comprehend what his eyes see. He reaches out to touch her shoulder and gently presses._

_She does not stir. _

_Loki begins to shake his head, minutely, as he takes quick shuddered breaths. He leans in closer to take one of her hands and clasps it between his own. _

_"Mother?" He whispers. It is useless to ask he knows this, but he still tries as the warmth from her skin begins to fade._

_A pained wheeze from his left turns his watered gaze slowly. Loki's eyes blink slowly in a daze while the grasp on Frigga's hand is strengthened. _

_"Thor?" He says brokenly from a breath he didn't know he held._

_He sees Thor tilt his head away from him as his brother's form stills. Loki opens his mouth and begins to move to his brother but the grasp on Frigga's hand stops him. Coldness spreads through him as he muffles a noise of despair. _

_To go to Thor would mean letting Frigga go and Loki squeezes his eyes shut, expelling streaks of water. Opening his eyes he glances to Thor._

_"F-forgive me." He says quickly, brows furrowing in shame. His body shakes and almost convulses as he tenderly places Frigga's hand back onto the stone._

_The wound against Thor's chest is deep and Loki begins to try to prevent the life from flowing out of his brother but he feels it seeping between his fingers. He does not hear his own breathing as he starts to hyperventilate in desperation. Pulling his brother's heavy frame against him Loki wraps his arms around Thor while his brother's head falls and rests against his shoulder._

_His mind races through a list of incantations before he quickly begins to whisper. He is not adept at healing magic, his skill limited only to small wounds but Loki puts more force into his concentration, whispering through gritted teeth and despair. _

_He can feel energy flow out of his own body and into his brother's wound. Even as he holds his brother, feeling the shallow breaths against his chest, the sounds of far away screams and burning fire roars within his ears. _

_He holds Thor firmly as he numbly stares at Frigga's still form a few meters away._

_Even when the Allfather finds his family amongst the carnage Loki remains numb. Even as the Allfather falls beside his queen, stroking her calm face, Loki continues to hold Thor against him ignoring all around him as he continues to whisper the incantation. It is not until Odin pries his hands away from Thor and the feeling of being lifted, that his connection breaks and darkness folds his vision._

* * *

"Why do you mortals insist on wasting your lives by filling out pieces of parchment?" Loki asks Pepper as he leans over her. Pepper continues to sign her documents, ignoring the god with a shake of her head. Loki, with his arms folded behind his back leans further and begins to read the documents.

Pepper stops as Loki gently pulls a piece of paper from her neat stack. The papers fall apart as Loki leans back inspecting the document with mild interest.

"Is this what you mortals call productive?"

"Productive? Yes. At the moment…" Pepper trails off with amusement in her voice. She turns to face the god in her seat, for a moment they both smirk at each other. Pepper checks her watch and sighs impatiently.

"Jarvis, where is Tony."

-_Tinkering Miss Potts.-_

Pepper stands and the fabric of her long flowing gown folds out.

"You tell him we'll be late." She says firmly. "And tell him _if_ we're late I'm not going to talk to him for the rest of the night."

-_Mr Stark wishes to convey his distaste for social events_.-

Pepper makes a face.

"Convey to him my distaste for his attitude. A Stark Industries Charity benefit needs to have a _Stark_ present."

"Does Midgard's warriors not feast together?" Loki asks

"No, this is our companies own event. Besides, Steve is off doing something top secret, well… that's what he said I think." Pepper stops and turns to Loki. "But you didn't hear that from me."

Loki hears the ceiling voice sigh.

_-It appears that he is sulking Miss. -_

Loki hums and turns to Pepper, "If I may inquire to the necessity of his presence at this benefit? Surely the public would do better without Stark interrupting proper _civil_ conversation."

-_Mr Stark wishes to convey that he can hear you both_.-

Loki smirks once more until he hears the elevator open. Tensing at the unrecognisable aura he turns to see the man he met in the alley hesitate momentarily before meeting up with Pepper.

"Tony is sulking again isn't he?" Happy says almost instantly.

Pepper pinches the bridge of her nose. "I should have just told him we were going to dinner. Tony Stark…" she calls out, leaving Loki alone with Happy once she sees him tap his watch.

Loki cares not for this mortal, and frowns when he feels two eyes staring at him. He turns his head and cocks an eyebrow at him. The mortal quickly turns away, almost laughably so.

"You're uh… you're really an alien?" The man suddenly asks.

_Simpleton_, Loki lowers his head.

"Asgardian." Loki replies curtly. He shifts his arms position from behind and folds them in front of him, clearly displeased. For his… friends, he will attempt to be civil. The word feels heavy on his tongue but not odd, and a strange feeling flows through him.

A moment of silence.

"That's in space." The man says as if to clarify Loki's words.

"Is there a point to this conversation, or are you simply playing the fool?"

"Hey." Happy points to his own chest, "Head of security here, just checking if you're a risk."

_"_Oh I most certainly am." Loki bares the mortal a mischievous grin, bordering on the line of psychotic and he sees the mortal gulp. His hearing is far more adapt than the mortal before him, and so he hears Pepper with Tony in tow long before him. He walks over to them as they enter the room and ignores the mortal's apprehension. Tony wears the face of a defeated man and Loki notes the small residue of oil against his formal attire.

"If you weren't so practiced in the art of concealment Stark, I would say you were disappointed." Loki remarks.

Tony moves to say something, but receives a jab in his side from Pepper. She smiles but Loki can see the spark of the devil in her eye.

"Disappointed we'll be late, that's all," She says looking straight at Tony. "Now come on we have to go."

The man sighs, defeated.

Happy motions for them to follow and Loki watches them leave. Even when not openly spoken of there is a silent understanding that he will remain within the tower, as always. Standing alone in the now empty room he feels uncomfortable and bare. For a long time he has hidden himself away from prying eyes, to become invisible. Even now he must be hidden… never seen… never known.

Loki thinks for a moment how strange a coincidence it is, how cruel the Norns can be.

He wishes to be at his own devices in that moment.

Duplicating an illusion to keep in his place, he teleports away to the empty alleyway he felt so lost in. He stands, momentarily staring at the spot, and can almost envision himself once more against the wall so lost without purpose. Forever destined to cause the destruction of those around him.

_"For Thor_." He whispers to himself.

It doesn't take long for Loki to steer towards his initial destination.

The captain's small dwelling. The door opens easily against a flick of his wrist and carefully he invites himself in. Casting himself outwards he feels Roger's aura absent from the place and sighs. Turning his head he takes in his surroundings with keener interest than from before. Loki trails his fingers over a few objects on the mantel piece. He carefully looks at a few photographs. Though almost faded his keen eyes can see each figure.

Loki wonders for a brief moment what importance they held for Rogers. A time long forgotten it seems.

But not by all.

Opting to sit down at the feasting table, Loki waits for the captain to return. As time ticks by he chooses to think of trivial things, ensuring his mind does not wander back to Asgard and the _pain_. A few hours pass and Loki straightens, finally hearing the sound of a key to a lock. He frowns, hearing the strange grating of metal something that would not appear if a simple key were used. Loki tilts his head as the door opens.

He stares down the intruder, seeing tools to pick the lock in their hands.

"I expected you to have disappeared by now."

Loki finds his lips rising in a smile. He stands, bowing his head in acknowledgement.

"Yet I still remain, Agent Romanoff."

He keeps his distance, more for her safety than anything else.

"I assume I am surrounded, ready to be scuttled off to a fortified structure? How dull."

"Quite the opposite, if you choose."

Loki forces his face to remain stoic, but something sparkles in the Widow's eyes. How she can read his face he does not know. It is something he wishes to investigate, at another time.

"Oh?" He encourages elegantly.

"I need your help."

**An alert helps Loki through this tough time, A review gives him a pat on the back. Seriously... the dude needs a hug.**

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